Courage Over Comfort

On Monday nights, I attend a women’s group that is reading a book about the negative effects of perfectionism. Every week, there’s practical homework that’s designed to help us overcome negative thought patterns, which can really hinder finding joy in life. Last week, part of the homework was to practice asking for help. As a [recovering] perfectionist, this is hard to do. It’s uncomfortable, and it’s vulnerable, and it’s definitely admitting that I don’t have it all together. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure everyone and their grandma knows that I don’t have it all together, but the possible rejection if that person doesn’t want to meet my newly exposed need is an overwhelming fear. However, things don’t change in a person’s comfort zone so courage over comfort is the motto I do my best to live by these days.

I was sitting at home one night last week, thinking about what more I can do. Accountability has been a hot topic for me lately because it’s something that I know will help me follow through. I know a lot of things about what I should and shouldn’t do to achieve my goals, but where I’m really getting tripped up is in the actual doing part. I decided to do a search on the internet for “life coach” and “specializing in food issues”. In the search results was a psychotherapist who specializes in treatment of food addiction and emotional eating. What drew her to me the most was her story. There were quite a few similarities to my own, and I immediately knew that at the very least she would have compassion for the journey that I’m on. One of the best strategies for growing and moving forward in life is to find people who are where you want to be, because they probably know things that you don’t know yet. I recognized that she has something that I need, but I wasn’t sure what to do about it.

I left her webpage open for a couple of days. A few nights later I had a moment of bravery and decided to pick up the phone and call her – purposely after hours, mind you. To my surprise she picked up the phone and for a split second I didn’t know what to say. “Hi… ” I scrambled for what to say next. “I found your website and thought I’d call you?” I blurted out. Well at least I managed to piece together some kind of sentence. For a moment, fear had tried to steal my voice. ABORT MISSION was the loudest thing in my head. But… courage over comfort. She has something I don’t have that I want. Here we go.

She talked to me briefly, apologized for catching me off guard, and explained that she doesn’t usually answer her phone after hours. I could hear her children in the background and I felt bad that I had interrupted her evening. We ended the call and as discussed, I called back and left her a voicemail with my contact information. Not 2 hours later she called me back to apologize again for the confusion and gave me the floor to share some of my story with her. That in itself was so encouraging and gave me hope.

I’ve seen my fair share of mental health professionals and I know that not everyone is in it for the people. Here was this woman who doesn’t know a single thing about me, we have no agreement or contract, and she cares enough to take time out of her evening to bring hope into the most hopeless area of my life right now. Although she has no openings in her practice at the moment and I don’t know that I could afford her even if she did, this woman taught me so much in what ended up being a 45 minute conversation. I stepped out of my comfort zone by asking for help, and I was met with so much grace and encouragement. She technically said no, she can’t help me right now, but in reality she did. She gave what she was able: her time, compassion, and value to my voice… at the time, those things were exactly what I needed.