Grace Grows Here

Today I stood in the shower and cried. Not just a 10-second, “I-just-need-reprieve” kind of cry, but a 45-minute, “where-are-you-Jesus-I-need-you-now” kind of sob.

My website/blog was supposed to have been up already, according to the timeline that I made with God at the end of 2016. I know His timing is perfect, but what if mine isn’t? I’ve constantly disappointed myself and encouraged others to expect great things from me that as of yet, I haven’t even delivered on. “Wow I suck” has been the thought that keeps rolling around in my mind, bashing into the walls creating a distracting ruckus, drawing my attention to my own shortcomings.

How fitting it is that tomorrow I begin a 3 month book study on how toxic and unrealistic perfectionism is. “You’re Loved No Matter What“. You’re loved no matter what. I’m loved no matter what. If only those words could wrap around my heart like a tight, life-changing hug and re-write the script that’s been there since I was a little girl. I’m loved, no matter what.

 Imagine: in every mistake, in every shortcoming, in every choice that isn’t in line with God’s best, in every emotion-fueled reaction, in every irrational thought… grace grows here. Imagine the atmosphere shifting, darkness shattering, shame busting, life-bringing truth that you are loved, no matter what.

The Great Commission is to love others as Christ loves us, and that actually includes ourselves. We wouldn’t be asked to do it if it weren’t possible. It isn’t some unrealistic, unattainable goal, written in the Bible to keep us occupied and striving for a sadistic God. It’s for real, and it’s for us. The Bible makes reference to the renewing of our minds. We can die to our old selves. But we need Jesus if we want to love like Him. We need a deep deep deep heart revelation of His grace for us, birthed out of compassion and in the context of a fearless and radical unfailing love. We need to grab hold of that grace and walk in agreement that it’s the gift He’s chosen to give to us, independent of anything that we achieve or don’t achieve.

I need to remember that I’m loved no matter what, because grace grows here. It is resilient and steadfast. Even in the biggest mess and the toughest trials, God’s grace will be my hope.