Refiner's Fire
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
1 Peter 5:6-10
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At my family's summer cottage, there's an island within swimming distance-- when the boat traffic isn't too obnoxious, I swim over and sometimes even swim around it. Regardless of which way I choose to swim (clockwise or counterclockwise), there is always an area where I have to work harder to swim against the current. Of course there isn't any indication of where the current changes though, so if I'm not paying attention to where it is that I'm trying to get then it's possible to drift off course, creating more work for myself to get back on track.
This year has been a challenging one for me. I started off strong and determined, but my faith was tested as I went through some hardship and I wish I could say I handled it like a pro, but I did not. I thank God for His grace. Without it I would be swimming upstream, against the current, making very little progress, if any, and completely tiring myself out.
Earlier this year, God asked me to trust Him as He opened doors for me. I faithfully followed where He led me. A few months in however, I began to lose sight of my mission. As fear crept in, faith got pushed out and although not truth, I felt like I was abandoned and alone.
I became overwhelmed by the spiritual warfare that I found myself in. I could discern it, feel it and see it manifesting, and at the time I didn't know what to do about it. Instead of drawing closer to God, I became afraid, and the more fear that crept in, the less faith I had. Fear undermines faith. As a result, I went into survival mode. I felt unsafe. I told God that His way is not safe and if following my calling and being obedient looks like what I was going through, then I would rather deny my calling and just be a "normal" person and live a "normal" life.
When I came home, I began a relationship with someone who isn't Christian as an attempt to fill my need for safety and comfort. In order to do that, I chose to compromise my God-given identity and self worth. I compromised my purity. I compromised my emotional stability. I compromised my relationship with God, and I compromised my integrity as a Christian. During this time, I did not represent Christ very well. I had felt abandoned by God during the spiritual warfare and the fear that had created caused me to react with stubbornness, rebellion and desperation to have my needs met. Abandonment + Rebellion = orphan stronghold. Earlier this year I didn't believe I could go to God for the things that I was lacking; instead I believed I had to figure out a way to meet my needs on my own. The way I chose to do that was to give that responsibility/control to someone else (in this case the guy I was dating).
And then the problem became that I was in a position that was very vulnerable because I began to fear that I could lose the solution to my unmet needs because he could leave me at any time so it put me in a position of desperation! I began using manipulation techniques to keep that guy in my life and under my control the best I could.
After it all blew up in my face, and I was painted into a corner due to my own stubbornness, I surrendered. I began talking to God again and He pointed out to me that not only is manipulation NOT loving, but that it's considered sorcery because you're trying to take away someone's free will. It also contributes to ungodly soul ties and caused me to sin more as a result of fear, creating MORE legal ground that the enemy can take advantage of. Soul ties are like a legal document that you sign, stating that you give permission for the enemy to access you.
I had heart revelation that when we go outside of our relationship with God to have our basic needs met, in my case safety and comfort, then that puts us in a desperate and vulnerable place. This often leads us to compromise who we are and what we believe in and stand for. And out of fear, I chose to manipulate in order to control.
The problem during that time of intense spiritual warfare was my lack of faith, not God's ability or willingness to provide to me what I needed. I had lost sight of who(se) I was during that time and didn't notice when the direction of the current changed. I drifted off course because I lost focus. I got caught up in distractions and compromised my mission objective out of fear. The truth is, God will never ask us to compromise who we are to get our needs met-- He just asks us to trust Him that He is faithful, and will always provide to us everything that we need.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
1 Peter 5:6-10
-------------------------------------------
At my family's summer cottage, there's an island within swimming distance-- when the boat traffic isn't too obnoxious, I swim over and sometimes even swim around it. Regardless of which way I choose to swim (clockwise or counterclockwise), there is always an area where I have to work harder to swim against the current. Of course there isn't any indication of where the current changes though, so if I'm not paying attention to where it is that I'm trying to get then it's possible to drift off course, creating more work for myself to get back on track.
This year has been a challenging one for me. I started off strong and determined, but my faith was tested as I went through some hardship and I wish I could say I handled it like a pro, but I did not. I thank God for His grace. Without it I would be swimming upstream, against the current, making very little progress, if any, and completely tiring myself out.
Earlier this year, God asked me to trust Him as He opened doors for me. I faithfully followed where He led me. A few months in however, I began to lose sight of my mission. As fear crept in, faith got pushed out and although not truth, I felt like I was abandoned and alone.
I became overwhelmed by the spiritual warfare that I found myself in. I could discern it, feel it and see it manifesting, and at the time I didn't know what to do about it. Instead of drawing closer to God, I became afraid, and the more fear that crept in, the less faith I had. Fear undermines faith. As a result, I went into survival mode. I felt unsafe. I told God that His way is not safe and if following my calling and being obedient looks like what I was going through, then I would rather deny my calling and just be a "normal" person and live a "normal" life.
When I came home, I began a relationship with someone who isn't Christian as an attempt to fill my need for safety and comfort. In order to do that, I chose to compromise my God-given identity and self worth. I compromised my purity. I compromised my emotional stability. I compromised my relationship with God, and I compromised my integrity as a Christian. During this time, I did not represent Christ very well. I had felt abandoned by God during the spiritual warfare and the fear that had created caused me to react with stubbornness, rebellion and desperation to have my needs met. Abandonment + Rebellion = orphan stronghold. Earlier this year I didn't believe I could go to God for the things that I was lacking; instead I believed I had to figure out a way to meet my needs on my own. The way I chose to do that was to give that responsibility/control to someone else (in this case the guy I was dating).
And then the problem became that I was in a position that was very vulnerable because I began to fear that I could lose the solution to my unmet needs because he could leave me at any time so it put me in a position of desperation! I began using manipulation techniques to keep that guy in my life and under my control the best I could.
After it all blew up in my face, and I was painted into a corner due to my own stubbornness, I surrendered. I began talking to God again and He pointed out to me that not only is manipulation NOT loving, but that it's considered sorcery because you're trying to take away someone's free will. It also contributes to ungodly soul ties and caused me to sin more as a result of fear, creating MORE legal ground that the enemy can take advantage of. Soul ties are like a legal document that you sign, stating that you give permission for the enemy to access you.
I had heart revelation that when we go outside of our relationship with God to have our basic needs met, in my case safety and comfort, then that puts us in a desperate and vulnerable place. This often leads us to compromise who we are and what we believe in and stand for. And out of fear, I chose to manipulate in order to control.
The problem during that time of intense spiritual warfare was my lack of faith, not God's ability or willingness to provide to me what I needed. I had lost sight of who(se) I was during that time and didn't notice when the direction of the current changed. I drifted off course because I lost focus. I got caught up in distractions and compromised my mission objective out of fear. The truth is, God will never ask us to compromise who we are to get our needs met-- He just asks us to trust Him that He is faithful, and will always provide to us everything that we need.
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