Boundaries
God has been teaching me a lot about boundaries lately.
It's not an easy lesson, let me tell you that. It came about because I kept hitting walls with people and I didn't understand why. Why aren't people letting me in? The males in my church community are so private, I thought, and they don't want to get to know me at all. I felt so rejected, and I didn't understand why they were being like that. I've never really had to deal with boundaries. In fact, I lack boundaries in many areas of my life. I blurt out what I think all the time no matter how intimate. I lack boundaries with food. I lack boundaries with the people in my life, including my family.
I was informed that it's inappropriate for me to keep close male friends. At first I was so defensive. "Why!?" I asked, shocked. "What difference does it make if I'm single and they're single?!" I truly believed God used me in various intimate settings to speak to others. This may be so, but it's not God's will for us to create multiple soul ties with various people who actually do not know how to respect the pieces of your heart that you give to them, just like I am not equipped to take care of theirs.
"So what am I supposed to do then?" I asked, frustrated. I was being told that what I have believed in for so long is not appropriate. I didn't want to lose that connection I seem to form so easily with people.. with men, specifically. It was then explained to me that regardless if your friends are gay, straight, married, single - we must be so careful as to who we share our hearts with. We were made to have natural chemistry with those of the opposite sex, regardless of our own ideas of the friendship.
Sure, I have some obvious boundaries. Don't spend alone time with married men. Don't flirt with men in relationships. Also my self imposed one - no sex until I'm in a serious relationship (of course ideally, not until I'm married!). But as a friend of mine pointed out, why even go there? Why even allow myself to get into a position where I could be tempted to make the wrong choice? I need to set pre-boundary boundaries! It's not inappropriate to have male friends. It's just inappropriate to share deep heart-stuff unless you're in a relationship.
When it comes down to it, if I dig real deep, I enjoy friendships with men because of the potential chemistry that could come from them. I give them attention that their male friends do not and can not. They give me attention that my female friends do not and can not. It's so easy to slip in a situation like that, and get caught up in feelings that can result in drama. God has a plan and confusion is not part of it! I also have to remember that if God isn't able to use me, He will use someone else to communicate what He wants to say to someone, so I can't use that as an excuse to put myself out there.
I bought a purity ring last week. It has a simple, thin band, with the word PURITY written on it. Little did I know until I was fidgeting with it this past weekend, on the inside is inscribed the word forgiven. What a beautiful love note from Daddy! Sexual purity is not something I've had a lot of success with in my life. I have, however, made a commitment to wait for my husband. I am sowing that seed and I know that it will be fruitful.
It won't be easy to keep men at arms length. I crave attention and I want to feel loved. Who doesn't? I don't want to miss out on finding my husband, but what it comes down to is that I need to trust and have faith in the Lord. He knows my heart, and He will provide my hearts desires to me as long as I keep my heart turned toward Him. Setting and keeping boundaries isn't fun, but it will be worth it! That's what faith is all about :)
Lord, I pray that You would deliver me from everything that separates me from You and keeps me from the life You have for me. Thank You that You have delivered my soul from anything that would lead to my destruction. I pray that You will continue to deliver me from all that would bring me down and destroy me. Put me on solid ground in the center of Your will.
It's not an easy lesson, let me tell you that. It came about because I kept hitting walls with people and I didn't understand why. Why aren't people letting me in? The males in my church community are so private, I thought, and they don't want to get to know me at all. I felt so rejected, and I didn't understand why they were being like that. I've never really had to deal with boundaries. In fact, I lack boundaries in many areas of my life. I blurt out what I think all the time no matter how intimate. I lack boundaries with food. I lack boundaries with the people in my life, including my family.
I was informed that it's inappropriate for me to keep close male friends. At first I was so defensive. "Why!?" I asked, shocked. "What difference does it make if I'm single and they're single?!" I truly believed God used me in various intimate settings to speak to others. This may be so, but it's not God's will for us to create multiple soul ties with various people who actually do not know how to respect the pieces of your heart that you give to them, just like I am not equipped to take care of theirs.
"So what am I supposed to do then?" I asked, frustrated. I was being told that what I have believed in for so long is not appropriate. I didn't want to lose that connection I seem to form so easily with people.. with men, specifically. It was then explained to me that regardless if your friends are gay, straight, married, single - we must be so careful as to who we share our hearts with. We were made to have natural chemistry with those of the opposite sex, regardless of our own ideas of the friendship.
Sure, I have some obvious boundaries. Don't spend alone time with married men. Don't flirt with men in relationships. Also my self imposed one - no sex until I'm in a serious relationship (of course ideally, not until I'm married!). But as a friend of mine pointed out, why even go there? Why even allow myself to get into a position where I could be tempted to make the wrong choice? I need to set pre-boundary boundaries! It's not inappropriate to have male friends. It's just inappropriate to share deep heart-stuff unless you're in a relationship.
When it comes down to it, if I dig real deep, I enjoy friendships with men because of the potential chemistry that could come from them. I give them attention that their male friends do not and can not. They give me attention that my female friends do not and can not. It's so easy to slip in a situation like that, and get caught up in feelings that can result in drama. God has a plan and confusion is not part of it! I also have to remember that if God isn't able to use me, He will use someone else to communicate what He wants to say to someone, so I can't use that as an excuse to put myself out there.
I bought a purity ring last week. It has a simple, thin band, with the word PURITY written on it. Little did I know until I was fidgeting with it this past weekend, on the inside is inscribed the word forgiven. What a beautiful love note from Daddy! Sexual purity is not something I've had a lot of success with in my life. I have, however, made a commitment to wait for my husband. I am sowing that seed and I know that it will be fruitful.
It won't be easy to keep men at arms length. I crave attention and I want to feel loved. Who doesn't? I don't want to miss out on finding my husband, but what it comes down to is that I need to trust and have faith in the Lord. He knows my heart, and He will provide my hearts desires to me as long as I keep my heart turned toward Him. Setting and keeping boundaries isn't fun, but it will be worth it! That's what faith is all about :)
Lord, I pray that You would deliver me from everything that separates me from You and keeps me from the life You have for me. Thank You that You have delivered my soul from anything that would lead to my destruction. I pray that You will continue to deliver me from all that would bring me down and destroy me. Put me on solid ground in the center of Your will.
"You have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from falling." (Psalm 116:8)
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